Signs i am dating a narcissist
― Anonymous Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that the narcissist is someone who has “buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.” This alternate persona to the real self often comes across as grandiose, “above others,” self-absorbed, and highly conceited.
In our highly individualistic and externally driven society, mild to severe forms of narcissism are not only pervasive but often encouraged.
, which they project in order to avoid feeling (and being seen as) the real, disenfranchised, wounded self. Many narcissists like to do things to impress others by making themselves look good externally.
Deep down, most pathological narcissists feel like the “ugly duckling,” even if they painfully don’t want to admit it. Shows wanton disregard for other people’s thoughts, feelings, possessions, and physical space. Shows little remorse and blames the victim for one’s own lack of respect. This “trophy” complex can exhibit itself physically, romantically, sexually, socially, religiously, financially, materially, professionally, academically, or culturally.
How do you know when you’re dealing with a narcissist? The narcissist enjoys getting away with violating rules and social norms, such as cutting in line, chronic under-tipping, stealing office supplies, breaking multiple appointments, or disobeying traffic laws. Oversteps and uses others without consideration or sensitivity. In these situations, the narcissist uses people, objects, status, and/or accomplishments to represent the self, substituting for the perceived, inadequate “real” self.
The following are some telltale signs, excerpted from my book (click on title): “How to Successfully Handle Narcissists”. The narcissist loves to talk about him or herself, and doesn’t give you a chance to take part in a two-way conversation. These grandstanding “merit badges” are often exaggerated.
While most of us are guilty of some of the following behaviors at one time or another, a pathological narcissist tends to dwell habitually in several of the following personas, while remaining largely unaware of (or unconcerned with) how his or her actions affect others. You struggle to have your views and feelings heard. While many people have the poor communication habit of interrupting others, the narcissist interrupts and quickly switches the focus back to herself. The underlying message of this type of display is: “I’m better than you! Narcissists can be very charismatic and persuasive.
When you do get a word in, if it’s not in agreement with the narcissist, your comments are likely to be corrected, dismissed, or ignored. ” or “Look at how special I am—I’m worthy of everyone’s love, admiration, and acceptance! Narcissists often expect preferential treatment from others. When they’re interested in you (for their own gratification), they make you feel very special and wanted.
A narcissist can be very engaging and sociable, as long as you’re fulfilling what she desires, and giving her all of your attention. Some narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, believing that others cannot live or survive without his or her magnificent contributions. They are easily upset at any real or perceived slights or inattentiveness.
They may throw a tantrum if you disagree with their views, or fail to meet their expectations.
They are extremely sensitive to criticism, and typically respond with heated argument (fight) or cold detachment (flight).
On the other hand, narcissists are often quick to judge, criticize, ridicule, and blame you. By making you feel inferior, they boost their fragile ego, and feel better about themselves. Manipulation: Using Others as an Extension of Self.
Making decisions for others to suit one’s own needs.